Maybe you also had trouble distinguishing between your respective feelings and behaviour.Maybe you could talk about work, politics, the environment, your intelligence levels, or text morning, noon and night.You may not know what intimacy is, possibly due to not having relationships that you could truly observe and learn from, and you may have assumed that once you felt like you loved and cared for someone and were in a relationship, that you’d either be able to automatically know what each of you wants or that a void you had would be filled up and you’d feel confident and in possession of the skills to forge closeness.
I’m also not alone in having felt a ‘connection’ to people because of what they ‘activated’ in me that reminded me of one or both of my parents or that tapped into old issues.
Hell, I thought that if a person cried on me, told me about how their pet budgie died when they were seven or how much they disliked one or both of their parents, or even wanted to get into my pants faster than the speed of light, that these were ‘intimacy’ Intimacy takes time, experience, and vulnerability.
We also need to be more emotionally smart and go through the discovery phase of dating and build a relationship over time rather than trying to force ripen an involvement with Fast Forwarding, which in itself is also a means of avoiding intimacy and realness that ultimately ends up leaving you feeling empty due to the lack of substance.
If we do not know the difference between us and another person, if we are in unhealthy relationships, and if we are ultimately basing who we are around possible reactions, we are not experiencing relationships with intimacy.
“We have an amazing connection”, said so many people who are struggling to understand why they’re not experiencing deep, committed, loving, progressing, balanced, consistent relationships with the very people that they’re referring to. ”, said many a confused person who doesn’t share the common ground of the same perception and commitment to the relationship.
All the mutual pain, admiration, shared experiences, attraction, hobbies, interests, orgasms etc., in the world, will not make a difference if when it all boils down to it, you don’t share core common values and are not copiloting a mutual relationship together.And you’d be shocked at the amount of people who feel a connection and “so much in common” who recognise on reflection that they may have ‘known’ a person but they didn’t truly know them. These relationships can leave you feeling lonely due to the lack of deep emotional connection as well as feeling adrift from your core self, even though you might now know what that is due to always playing roles. Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way.We need to change the way that we think about intimacy. Whether it’s figuring out what’s going on in a troubling relationship, understanding you and self-care, or being more assertive, I’m here to help you guide you.We need to recognise that some of the things that we’re hung up on that blind us like the “connection” and the stuff we claim to have in common, are not only ways of justifying continuing to invest in something that isn’t going to nourish us, but they can also be ways of avoiding intimacy. You always know that you’re experiencing truly intimate relationships when you feel nourished by the relationship not or riding rollercoaster. We will lack self-awareness and self-knowledge so in not having an intimate relationship with ourselves, we won’t be able to distinguish between emotional and sexual intimacy as well as talking about stuff versus showing up with both feet in and deepening the relationship and how we relate over time.